Horoscopes!

Well, recently I've been looking through a series of horoscopes/proedictions and commenting on how they were all rubbish.  So, I've decided to create my own set of horribly inaccurate horoscope predictions!  Here are the horoscopes for April 27th, 2009:

Aries - You will get into a fight with your parents.  The fight will end in tears, but don't worry.  You'll make up and the family will go out to your favorite restaurant to make up for it.

Taurus - You will find $20 on the ground.  Spend it wisely; all the stock you bought will crash and you will lose 90% of your money.  Though luck.

Gemini - You will get everything you ever dreamed of, become famous, and get immensely rich. 

Cancer - You will get cancer and die.  Sorry.

Leo - Richard will get hungry from not eating 8 lunches.  He will eat your best friend.  

Virgo - You will meet one of the members of the azn crew, but then will trip and break your arm.

Libra - Today, you will have pretty good luck. However, be wary of cows.  You will know what that means when the time comes.

Scorpio - You will get accidently shipped to Africe. In Africa, you will tame a scorpion and it will become your best friend.  Also, you will find out that Malfoy is your real father.  Scary...

Sagittarius - Any joke you make today will be found very funny.  And don't worry, if someone doesn't laugh, they will die within the next 32 hours.

Capricornus - You will win the lottery and get a lot of free stuff.  Then you will get run over a truck.  Too bad.

Aquarius - You will drink a lot of water today.  You will also learn how to play underwater soccer and win a championship swimming race.

Pisces - You will go scuba diving, but drown in the process after you are mobbed by thousands of fish and turtles.

Oh, and for those who ask, I'm a Gemini.